Mediocre Souvenir Co.
Certificate of Mediocre Authenticity
This is to certify that the town named hereon is, to the best of our knowledge, a place.
- Subject
- The town named on the garment. A real place, on a real map.
- Distinction
- None on record. This field has never once been filled in.
- Significance
- Not asserted. The certificate makes no claim the town is important, scenic, or worth the detour.
- Verification
- The town exists. People live there. Both of these have been checked.
- Issued by
- The management, who have not visited, and say so.
Souvenir
★ ★ ★
Why a certificate at all
Because the places we print have spent a century being described by other people in terms of what they are not. Not scenic. Not a destination. Not worth the exit. The certificate is a document that describes a town in terms of what it actually is: somewhere that exists, where people live full lives, mostly without incident.
It is also, we admit, a joke about certificates. Every gift shop on earth issues a document swearing that its keychain is genuine. Ours swears to almost nothing, in the same typeface, at the same size, with the same stamp. That is the whole gag and we are committed to it.
What it is printed on
Uncoated card, cream, slightly heavier than it needs to be. The stamp is applied at a small rotation because a stamp applied perfectly straight has never happened in the history of stamps. It fits in a glovebox, a bathroom mirror frame, or the drawer where you keep the other things you did not throw out.
Can I get one without buying a shirt
No. It certifies the garment. A certificate on its own would be a document certifying nothing, which even we consider a step too far.
no distinction on record.